a love letter to the michigan gayly

Jackie "morena" Moreno (she/her)

    It’s been four years already?

I remember sitting in my political science lecture freshman year, following the same routine that I always did. Each Tuesday, I would run to East Hall, just making it in time before the clock turned 10:00am. I would sit in the very front row, because I was eager to learn something about what our professor believed about civil rights [and because there were no other open seats, like ever]. Someone always ran in after me, also banished to the front row due to our back to back class schedules. 

But one day, they turned to me, and asked me a question. 
    “Do you have a pencil I could borrow?” 


I never would have guessed that such a simple question could have led me to this moment, four years later, writing a love letter to the only student organization I felt welcome in. 

​I became much closer with the person in the front row. Shortly after our small exchange, we began talking–deciding to meet outside of class for once, to read and edit each other’s midterm essays. During our impromptu editing session, we talked about everything and anything that came to mind as if we had been friends since we were children. 

Their name, which I will leave anonymous for now, was the coolest person I had met at UM. I was able to learn more about them, and about our shared love for black nail polish. As we were talking, they mentioned the student organization they were currently involved with– 
    “Hey, have you ever heard of the Michigan Gayly?” 

In hindsight, they probably would have never mentioned it, had I not been wearing a gay pride shirt to class that day. But, I am incredibly grateful that the stars aligned just right for me to join. 


Immediately after being told about the Gayly, I had reached out to the current editor-in-chief, Grey, practically begging him to let me write something about my sexuality, begging him to let me be a small part of this amazing newspaper. After hearing an enthusiastic yes from the editors and hearing encouragement from my friend from the front row, I began to write and write– the excitement of drafting my very first article and joining my first student group was overwhelming. I was so happy to finally be out, to be able to express my true self for the first time in my life through my writing. And I was so so happy to finally be authentically “Morena”. 

I still can’t believe that my first article was published four years ago now. Writing that testimonio and honoring my true self was something that I was, and still am, very proud of. 


Yet, my Gayly story was just beginning. I was quick to draft my second article, once again honoring my Chicana culture while exploring sexuality. “The Women of the Lesbian Chicana Movement” was the first article I showed my older sister. Growing up, I wanted to be just like her, publishing my own work and being recognized for it. I still remember the article she showed me when we were younger, her work being published by the Women’s Museum of California, entitled “The Women of Stonewall”. If you see a resemblance in our titles, that is no coincidence. Like I said, I wanted to be just like her. And most importantly, I wanted to make her proud. I continued to write for each of the Gayly’s issues that year, thinking of my older sister each time. Even though I was living away at college now, I knew that she was proud of me. And over time, I became proud of myself too. 

I was excited to return my sophomore year, excited to write about and inspire other queer Latinos like myself. Thus, I wrote a mini-series entitled “A Spotlight on Latinx LGBT Activism”, with part one featuring my favorite Mexican artist Julio Salgado. I was thrilled to be back at the Gayly, hearing nothing but praise and encouragement from my fellow queer writers and artists. 

It was also during my sophomore year when I decided I wanted to become even more involved with the Gayly. Remember my friend from the front row? They had taken over the Gayly’s podcast, dedicating themselves to exploring queer politics in our Ann Arbor area. Once again, it was like the stars had aligned– and I became the script supervisor for the Political In-queery podcast. 

My experience on the podcast was so informative, inspiring, and honestly my favorite part of the entire school year. Not only did I get to work closely with my friend Blake [hello name drop!!], but we got to do something we loved while making a difference. It was also through this experience that I became closer with the Gayly’s main graphics designer, Atticus. I could not have asked for better friends; it was like the three of us were unstoppable. Through the podcast, we met some of Michigan’s queer representatives, from Laurie Pohutsky to Jeremy Moss to Attorney General Dana Nessel–all of which were worthwhile interviews and you should definitely check them out [#not sponsored]. Most importantly, I learned a lot about myself this year: I was capable of a lot more than I gave myself credit for. 


Even so, I was surprised when the editor in chief, and founder, of the Michigan Gayly sent me a message. Grey reached out to me at the end of my sophomore year to ask if I would be interested in taking over as editor in chief. I was so shocked, and I hadn’t even considered that I was a contender for such an important position. After all, I was still new to the Gayly, and to being out in general. It was largely thanks to his encouraging comments on my drafts that I felt confident in publishing my work at all. I wasn’t sure if I could live up to him, or the Gayly’s legacy– if I could inspire people the way he inspired me. 

But, after thinking back to all of the talks with Blake and Atticus, and the memories of my older sister, I knew my answer could only be yes. 


Now, I wish I could tell everyone that junior year started amazing and I ran everything perfectly, no mishaps whatsoever. But, I would be lying. 

I am no stranger to anxiety, nor to mental illness. It just so happened that the year I took over the Gayly was the most challenging year of my life, period. I was heavily suicidal, I was going through my very first break up, my family was falling apart, and I felt completely alone [in hindsight, the article I wrote about this period of time is pretty dramatic, but at least you can’t say I’m not authentic LOL]. Yet, I still had to manage an entire newspaper. Even in my depressed state, I was determined to make sure the Gayly’s legacy of being an inspiring place to be was kept alive. But, with Grey and Blake now graduated, I knew I needed help. 
    

    Enter: Padma. 
As she was the features editor, I already knew her name before we officially met in person. It was at the local Pride Parade, that summer before I took over. She talked with me the entire time I was there, making sure I felt included. She even chose to hype me up the entire time, introducing me to her friends as the “cool new editor in chief”. Before we headed our separate ways, we learned we would be taking the same history class in the fall– and the rest is history. 

We became fast friends, becoming closer with each other every time we talked. If I’m honest, she is the real reason the Gayly remained successful following our founder’s departure. She helped me become acquainted with our editing style, gave me pointers on how we should plan social events, and more. Her opinions and contributions were incredibly valuable to me, and to the Gayly itself. It is because of her that I was able to regain my self confidence, both about being the new editor-in-chief and just about being here, period. 

​In the Gayly, we worked as co-presidents in a way. Outside of the Gayly, we worked as best friends. And I would argue we work pretty damn well together.  


Things became easier over time. I found my love for writing again. I even started writing for fun, which prompted this short article about my most recent hyperfixation: Severance. I went into my senior year excited to make this year the best I had ever had. I remember planning out the articles I wanted to write, planning a series of social events that could be fun for everyone interested in seeing what the Gayly was all about. I felt like after last year’s “trial run”, I was finally confident in my ability to host an inspiring and safe space. 

And let me say, this year was pretty fucking good. 
    

First and foremost, I had the opportunity to sit down with revolutionary drag artist Sasha Velour for an exclusive interview for her new live show, The Big Reveal. I even had the opportunity to see the show in person, side by side with my lovely partner, who encouraged me to write my review of the performance afterward. This experience sparked my interest in drag, prompting the Gayly’s involvement in supporting a recent Drag Show fundraiser for the Jim Toy community center. 

Further, I would like to take a moment to acknowledge how proud I am that the Gayly has expanded, and especially through our community involvement. This year alone, we had several Michigan Daily features, and even features from queer newspapers across the country, including OutFAU. We continue to have collaborations with and loving support from the University's Spectrum Center. We have established our weekly newsletter, in addition to our monthly publication. We have started a new podcast, called the Spectrum Sessions. We still foster our virtual/online community, while encouraging in person social events each month.

With all of the uncertainty in the world right now, I think that it is important that we build and maintain a welcoming environment for the queer community as a whole; and I believe that the Gayly has achieved that this year. That being said, I could not be more proud of the work the Gayly continues to do as a team, and I am so excited to see what the future holds. 
 

Wow, that was a lot to remember and digest. And even after writing all of this out, I still wonder
    It’s been four years already? 


It feels like just yesterday, I was running to make it to class on time, sitting in the front row of an East Hall auditorium with Blake. It almost feels like nothing has changed since I adorned the name “morena” for the first time– and yet, it’s already time to say goodbye. 

I’m not sure if I’m quite ready to leave the Gayly behind, or if I’ll ever be ready. All I know is that I wouldn’t trade my time with you all for anything. I have loved this organization and everyone in it for over four years now, and will continue to do so, for the rest of time. So even if it’s goodbye for now, I want you to know, I love you. And I always will. 


With love, 
Your second editor-in-chief, 
Jackie “Morena” Moreno 

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