Double-A Aros: A Ballad to Friendship!

Abbie (she/they)

There is one trope in any piece of media that always, without fail, pulls me in like no other. It was a staple in many of my favorite kids shows, from the Teen Titans to Strawberry Shortcake, and can be found back in ancient mythologies. It’s something that transcends time period and culture, something that could always be relied upon in the nick of trouble. And if you dare mix in a sprinkle of found family well then, you’ll never be able to pry that cartoon or book from my cold, crinkly claws!
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Yeah, I’m one of those sappy, power-of-friendship-kinda nerds. Brace yourself for an ode dedicated to the beauty of platonic love!

A thought I often played around with when I was young, but feared to share with others, was why did people have to be in a romantic relationship? To me, it seemed that many aspects of a romantic relationship (emotional intimacy, complete honesty, dedication, etc…) were things that were achievable through a close friendship. Of course, there is the expectation that many of our friendships may not be a permanent part of our lives. Even if that friendship has ended, it's important to appreciate the connection you once shared with that person. Although, I also argue that we should all hold on a little closer to ones who are willing to stick with us. What I mean is we should be placing more value on our friendships, both current and past! Friendships change and evolve, and sometimes break, over the course of our lives-but so do romantic relationships. Why should we only focus on one type of relationship in our lives? There’s the heteronormative expectation, however, that everyone will find “the one” to satisfy all of our emotional and physical needs. This idea needs to die.

Imagine I’m holding your hand as I say this. Ready?

It’s ok to rely on your friends.

This is sort of ironic coming from me, as I’m still trying to learn how to depend on others, but I think it’s something we should all talk about more. Friendships are a key part of everyone’s life, even having acquaintances that you interact with somewhat regularly can help you feel more stable and connected to your community. The love from family and friends is critical to your survival. You need that person who calls you every so often just to check in on your creative pursuits. You need that person who’s glad to be trapped in your car for 5 hours while you both rant about the state of the world. But deep connections are not things that spontaneously erupt into existence, it takes effort from both parties to care for each other. Besides, it doesn’t seem healthy to put all that pressure on one other person to attend to and complete another person’s every need.

   A fear that I think everyone shares to some extent is the fear of being alone forever. Within our hyper-individualistic society, we are prevented from being able to maintain our relationships*. This happens physically through the way our cities are laid out and mentally with a forced work-centric lifestyle. Thus, it takes a substantial amount of effort for many of us to keep in contact regularly with our loved ones. Now mix in the pressure to find that so-called “perfect person” and then you’re stuck in a society where one type of love is advertised to cure all your problems.

   For this reason, it took me an embarrassingly long time to be able to differentiate platonic, romantic, and sexual love and attractions…so many terms-how overwhelming at first! These types of love can also have overlap with each other, like with ways in which affection is shown. I’m happy to have seen the increase in popularity of these terms on the internet though, even if it is in mostly ace and aro spaces. Having the language to label how we feel about others is so important for talking about relationship boundaries and expectations. It also opens the door to exploring new types of relationships!

It wasn’t until a couple of years ago where I learned about queerplatonic relationships. Queerplatonic relationships (or QPRs) are what many aromantic people form with a partner (or partners) who they might want to be emotionally intimate with. Although, you don’t have to be aro or ace to be in a QPR! I’m not in a QPR, so I can’t give you the details of what it means to be in one. After all, a label can only describe so much of a diverse experience. It doesn’t make sense to me why binary labels on relationships need to exist in the first place. Especially when everyone has their own definition of what may constitute a “friend” or a “partner”. From what I understand though, it’s up to people involved in a queer-platonic partnership to decide what is comfortable for them, which any good relationship (platonic or not) should do in my opinion.

Just because I may not be in a queer-platonic relationship doesn’t mean I can’t rave about how special my friends are to me! I’m not sure if I would prefer to be in a romantic or queerplatonic relationship, or if I would prefer to stay single for the rest of my life- but I do know that I will always treasure my connection to my friends. I feel fulfilled knowing that there are people out there who love me for myself and that I can love them with the same ferocity in turn. My closest friends have brightened up my life in a way that rivals how the sun lights each day. Is that not a love worth singing praises to?

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​*bold of you to assume I wouldn’t bring up a brief critique of capitalism hehe
Make sure to check out my fellow aro Andrea and their article too! While you’re at it, you should also take a look at some of our other authors’ works (wink wink nudge nudge)​